It can be hard to find ambition and it can be even harder to keep it. I am currently experiencing this first-hand. As a college student, I am constantly asking myself questions like should I really be putting this much money into this or am I taking the right career path? Personally, I find myself wanting to take so many different paths that I am never really sure which I want to take the most. A year and a half ago I chose to become a journalism major and I don’t want to change that, but recently I’ve been finding myself with doubts.
What if I’m not good enough? What if one day I wake up wishing I had chosen dance or creative writing, two other paths I previously considered that I am now pursuing as minors? You may be asking yourself these questions as well and I know I am stubborn because I know the answer to all of these questions yet I just refuse to accept it. The answer is we can’t know. We can’t know now what might happen in the future. We can’t know if we will have made the wrong choice until it is too late. We can’t know if one day we will wake up wishing we had made a different choice. This may not be the answer you want and it is definitely not the answer I want, but it is the answer. It’s the answer that exists and makes sense. We can’t understand now but one day we will.
What does this mean? Why does it matter? Why am I writing out the obvious and why are you reading it? We are doing these things because while, yes, we can’t know, we can go into the unknown with someone who is also not sure. If you are feeling these ways, now you can know that you aren’t the only one because here I am laying my doubts out on the table. Still, one question I haven’t answered is where does ambition come into play here? The answer to this is we need ambition to start anything. To wake up and get out of bed in the morning we need ambition. To go outside and head to work or class, we need ambition. It takes effort and it takes reason.
When I chose to become a journalism major I had ambition. I felt like I could do something and become something and one day change something. Now, I am in journalism classes and the work isn’t easy and there have been many days where this anxiety just takes me over. If you didn’t know this already, journalism involves talking to other people. Journalists have to interview people and sometimes, more often than not, ask awkward questions that most people won’t want to answer but are needed to be asked. I don’t want to be a government writer and that is what I am covering for one class. Asking public officials and politicians questions is can be nerve racking and having to do that scares me and makes me uncomfortable. My ambition fades when it comes to these assignments.
So, at one point I had this ambition. I had this ambition to become a journalist. I know I don’t want to be a government writer and yet, for some reason, I’m letting these assignments that have nothing to do with what I really want to achieve affect my ambition. I have to find it again and look within myself for that push. I have to get through these classes to get to the ones I want to be in. I have to challenge myself first. This is where I will find my ambition. I know this time of discomfort and unease is temporary. It will pass. When I find that ambition and overcome my fears and worries I will be even better in the end. This goes for you too. No matter what it is that you are struggling through just know that it is temporary. That you can find your ambition again. It will probably be hard and take some thought and effort, but won’t it all be worth it? Do the right thing and don’t let your fears control you. I am trying so hard not to let mine control me. I know you can do it too. If you haven’t found the ambition, keep looking. It’s there.