I’m tired.

Today, for the first day in about a month, I wore full face makeup. This means I went beyond the chapstick and dash of mascara. Oh no, this was the full nine yards. Primer, foundation, concealer, contour, highlight, eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, brows, tinted lip moisturizer.

Today my manager told me, “you look better rested today.”

I’m 20 (less than a month until the bday) and I’m tired. Something I’ve realized recently is that people tend to compare, especially when they are of different age groups, how tired they are. I was out to dinner with my family the other day when I complained about my knees hurting. A few months ago I sprained my medial collateral. This is the ligament in the leg on the inside of the knee that basically connects the thigh and the shin.

However, I was complaining about standing all day and not my knee injury, how would my father know to make the connection? Of course, the man who works outdoors all day from dusk to dawn would chuckle at me being tired after standing for eight hours. I understand his work and how it would be difficult and tiring. I understand.

It’s not just family members. It used to be college professors and classmates for me. Now, it’s also coworkers and managers. My boss works from 2 a.m. and into the evening. Of course he should chuckle at my hurting legs and knees after 8 hours of standing.

However, here is what people aren’t thinking about. The fact that I have danced my whole life landing an uncountable amount of times incorrectly onto my knees and ankles. The fact that I am in the midst of moving, finding a new job, and planning my wedding. The fact that I don’t sleep well most nights because my anxiety of not hearing my alarm, and many other things, keeps me awake. The fact that I’m so worried about doing well at my job that I wake up in the middle of the night to find myself sleep-tamping a porta filter of espresso. (i.e. sleep walking barista style.)

There are countless quotes about how we don’t know what is going on in a person’s life and to be kind, but who listens to those?

The truth is most of us are tired and while we don’t know the circumstances of others we do know our own. When I was taking 18 credit semesters I chuckled at those who could barely handle 13 credits. But everyone is different. Everyone has their own stuff going on. We need to be forgiving. If we aren’t willing to take the time to learn what is going on in each other’s lives, then we must accept when people laugh at our tiredness over theirs.

In the end, I’m tired and I’m sure you are too. Let me know if you want to talk about it. Should we be more open to the idea that others have a lot going on we don’t know about or should we accept we can’t know this about everyone and deal with the looks we cast and have cast down upon us?


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