A month married.
It goes by fast. I didn’t even notice it was our one month until my mother-in-law texted us “happy one month!” P.S. Thanks for the reminder! 😉
A lot of people have been asking, is it different being married? The answer is yes. Marriage brings many new positive experiences as well as many new obstacles. What some people fail to realize is that, now, there are two of you facing these new problems together. This is a good thing. When you get married you enter a new level of your relationship and while you may have thought you were working as one unit even before marriage, you quickly realize nothing can compare to the unit you become until you are married.
No matter how connected you are mentally or physically, including couples who live together before marriage, once those vows have been said a new feeling settles over you. It is difficult to explain but for the sake of being a blogger who is trying to give real advice, I shall try.
New Challenges are Good Stuff
Everything merges. If they hadn’t already, your bills, your money, your time all become one unit. Granted this is if you respect and trust each other and are living in a relationship that you want to succeed. While before you probably said on Saturday morning if you were going out Saturday night, maybe a quick text but no other thought, now you are trying to let your partner in on the decisions ahead of time. Is going out Saturday night going to intervene on something the two of you had planned or take away from that much needed time alone together?
This isn’t to say you don’t get to go out with your friends and do what you love any more. No way! If anything, you get to experience more time out and a lot of the time you get to bring your best friend and life partner along with you! But, if you noticed I said, “needed time alone together.” What has been interestingly funny thus far in our month married is that we are seeking out time together. We both work, we both make a lot of plans with friends, and we both like time to ourselves. In the midst of all of these, we sometimes find ourselves saying “so when do I get to see you this week?”
Thankfully, we always make time for each other but it is the opposite of what we expected. We thought if anything we would get too much of each other. That’s one problem we’ve faced after one month that I am thankful for. I find it’s much better to be seeking time together than to be seeking time away.
Maybe I saw it in a movie when I was a kid or maybe I just conjured the idea in my head, but one thing I’ve always looked forward to is just sitting on the sofa watching TV with my husband in our own home. It’s the most innocent and simple image of us just relaxing together enjoying a show. A couple weeks ago that exact image came to be.
We just moved out of a situation where we had five roommates and into our own home, just the two of us. Finally, we have the place organized enough that we have the TV plugged in and the sofa facing it. For the first time the other night we had time to just sit and watch a show, specifically The Good Cop. What I experienced was the opposite of DéJà Vu. Instead of experiencing something that had already happened, I was experiencing something that I had always hoped would happen.
In that moment I became aware of how quickly time passes. For so long I have wanted that exact moment and there it was happening. Life goes by fast. Cherish every moment. The good and the bad. There is something to get out of all of them.
Wifen’ It Up
Something else I hadn’t thought about before is what the definition of wife is other than the simple “a maried woman.” What expectations did I have for myself? What expectations did my future husband have for me? We had joked about who would do dishes vs. who would do the laundry before, but we had never really discussed those true expectations.
Come to find out, neither of us really had any. He seemed to think I would take the modern woman approach. I was not going to do things like make dinner or fold his clothes. I’m thankful he wasn’t looking for those things out of me because the first night when he came home from work and I had dinner ready, I couldn’t imagine he would be so happy. Already he has returned the favor and had food ready for me when I got home from work at 9pm one night.
What I found out is that I also didn’t expect those things out of myself or him. I’ve been thankful for his constant eye on when laundry needs done. I’ve been surprised by my own need to take action, to clean and to cook. Yet, I have also enjoyed getting out of the house and doing my barista work. I love the split between house wife and working woman that exists and I love so much that I have married a man who is open to me being both or either for whatever duration of time I ever want to be.
Over all, one month of marriage has been astounding. No matter what problem arises in our relationship or just in each of our personal lives we are never alone in it. We have the same goals, to make each other happy, and with that mindset we always pull through.
It’s crazy to me how much can happen in one month. How many emotions you can feel, how much you can face, how much you can learn. So goes life. The point is that a lot has happened and we have already gained so much knowledge about each other as individuals and as a couple. I look forward to all that is to come. On to month two!